I'm American. I Speak American

Yes, I know the "I'm abroad and learning languages is difficult" posts are trite. Sorry, but god damn it. 


Just god damn it! 


I'm really grappling with Chinese. Sometimes, I think I'm getting the hang of it but I'm not. Take away the context and I'm sunk. Just about every time I get in a taxi and try to get to the train station, for example. It usually goes something like this: 

     Me: Wǒ yào dào huǒchē zhàn. (I want to go to the train station.) 

     Driver: Zài nǎlǐ? (Where?) 

     Me: huǒchē zhàn (Train station) 

     Driver: (tilts head slightly) 

     Me: (huǒchē zhàn) (Train station) 

     Driver: (raises eyebrows, careens neck towards me, pivots head a little) 

     Me: A lo ha. (Aloha - bus company near the train station.) 

     Driver: Aloha?  

     Me: Dway, fùjìn huǒchē zhàn. (Yes, near the train station.) 

     Driver: Ohhh,[shakes finger] huǒchē zhàn. (Ohhh, t-r-a-i-n   s-t-a-t-i-o-n) 

     Me: God. Damn. It. 

It's the tones. The "Wǒ yào dào" part is fine because context is there - remember I'm in a taxi. It's the "huǒchē zhàn" that always gets me. It's not for lack of practice, either. I say it to myself over and over and it absolutely completely sounds correct in my head, but I can't vocalize it. I know this will just kinda work itself out. After all, at first I couldn't distinguish individual words but now I can. Eventually the tones will similarly follow suit. 


Until then, my strategy of saying a phrase with a bunch of different tones on each word is less than ideal. Take "huǒchē zhàn" for instance. Three words with four possible tones each, 4^3 gives me 64. Sixty four possible combinations. (That's a lot.) Pragmatically, it's a race to the bottom - say the fewest words and therefore combination possibilities to convey my message. 


And that's my Chinese language paradox: The less I say, the more I will be understood. The less I say, the less I will understand. 

Given my exasperation, I empathize w/ this kid. I'd totally jump on this bandwagon if I were not on foreign soil...


Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish

PS, If you appreciate this video for reasons other than its snarky hilarity, please stop reading my blog. Thanks.
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Death Floor

 

Notice anything strange about this elevator?

Like a missing 4th floor. It's not an accident - all hospitals in Taiwan do this. It's because "four" and "death" share the same sound with different tones.

four:   sì (4th tone - falling) 
death: sǐ (3rd tone - falling then rising) 

Karaoke

Karaoke is wildly popular in Tawain.

By wildly popular, I mean there is a KTV (karaoke bar) on almost every corner. Think of every bar and gas station in your city. Now imagine those are KTV's. That's how ubiquitous they are.

Also, it's not karaoke like we think of it in the states - get smashed and and scream into the microphone - a contest of outrageous. Here, vocal performance is taken very seriously. Think apples to oranges, the WWF to PGA, Conrad to cliff notes... you get the idea.

Anyhow, it has never really been my cup of tea, but now I'm in a position of beat 'em or join 'em. This weekend I'll take a trip into the mountains with my school and everyone will be singing karaoke during the bus ride (departing at 6:30 in the morning). Sleep is not an option, and it will be more fun being part of the action.

I'm determined to learn one song. I just want one song in my back pocket for all future karaoke endeavors. I think I made a good pick. The song is by a Taiwanese rock singer and songwriter, probably one of the biggest stars in Asia. Here it is: 

Wu Bai - Maple Leaf

( 伍佰-楓葉 ) 

 Of course, I can't read the Chinese subtitles so I used google translate to get the pinyin:

Dāng qiūtiān sǎ xià zuìhòu yī bǎ fēngyè shí zhèng shì wǒ yào líkāi de shíhou
kàn zhe shōushí hǎo de xínglǐ xiǎngqǐ yuǎnfāng de nǐ xīnlǐ jìngrán yǒuyī gǔ xìngfú de gǎnjué
jiù zài zhège shíhou dìshàng de fēngyè chànà jiān

fēi qǐlái fēi guòlái fēi jìn wǒ shēn shēn xīnhuái
yuèguò nà níngjìng hǎi chōngmǎn zhe huíyì dì hǎi
nà yángguāng sǎ xià le ài cuīcù zhe wànwù zhànkāi
nà cǎihóng xiàng gè xiǎohái yǒnggǎn de jiāndìng de zhàn qǐlái

fēi guò nà ǎi zhú lí cāguò nà bānbó qiángbì
fā huáng de zhàopiàn li tòngkuài zhe nàme shúxī
bùjīngyì hé nǐ xiāng yù zài tiānkōng piāo zhe xiǎoyǔ
luòxià lái qīngchè de xī tiánměi de měi yīdiǎn měi yīdī

*Fēngyè a zài mǎn zhe wǒ de gǎndòng
fēngyè a qīngtīng zhe wǒ xīnqíng zhōng
shēnqiū li bànsuí zhe liànglì de mèng chōng xiàng wǒ

#huàchéng le mǎn shān hé mǎn gǔ de duì nǐ sīniàn
xiě mǎn le mǎn dì hé mǎn tiān de ài de shīpiān
yǒngtàn zhe shēngmìng dì měilì hé shìjiè de wúxiàn
fēiwǔ zài yǐhòu hé cóngqián tā lián chéng yīpiàn

suí zhe xīliú le qù suí zhe hé yòu liú le lái
lí qù shí xīn gǎnjī huílái shí mǎnxīn qídài
yīnwèi ài suǒyǐ cúnzài lù shī de lǜsè qīngtái
chénxī zhōng yíngfēng ér lái fēi jìn le wǒ xīnzhōng de dàhǎi


I've been listening to it on loop for a couple of hours. Still much more work to be done tomorrow and Friday. (Sidenote, this is a great way to practice pronunciation and intonation.) Wish me luck! 

Incidental Guilt Trip

Nothing motivates me to learn Chinese quite like an incidental, introspection-prompting guilt trip. I'll explain.

Recently, my coworker invited me to his house. His newborn baby turned one month old, and in Taiwan they have a swanky feast for family and friends. I felt all warm and tingly having received an invite - the other foreign teachers didn't. And, it was just a good time (Christmas-ish) to be around a family, albeit not my family.

The party itself was impressive. The food was all catered and the spread was vast and incredible. Giant prawns, a myriad of crabs, mussels, oysters, steamed fish, braised fish, calamari, oysters, I could go on. And my coworker encouraged my consumption: "Tim, eat food. I see you eat like a beast at school." Amen.

During the meal, there were many toasts, cheers, and jollity. I was at the main table with my coworker, Jason, and his family. By default, I was included in everything. I vaguely knew what was going on only because raising a glass and taking a drink is a good clue.

Anyhow, Jason was busy so I mostly talked to his dad. Dad talked my ear off, and I felt like we were constantly raising our glasses - my sparkling apple juice (I had to return to work) to his red wine. I don't know what he said, but he's wicked cool for sure. And funny. Probably. I misrepresented my comprehension using my most adorable student's strategy: nodding, smiling, and saying "yeah" to everything.

I even thought I understood a little. I didn't. Jason confirmed that his dad did not have an apple fruit orchard in a nearby city.

All the while, I'm noticing fleeting glances from another table, mostly family from Jason's side. His brothers, uncles, and of course a crazy aunt are all interested in what the white dude was doing at the party. Jason introduced me and I wanted to field questions, but couldn't. My introduction is short and scripted:
1. My name is Tim
2. I'm american
3. English Teacher
4. My house is in Donggang
5. Taiwan good
My brief Q&A unsatisfactorily ends with number 6.
6. Sorry, I don't speak much Chinese.

I left the party with a fat sack of some really tasty fried rice and seafood.

Again:

Most Thursdays, I'll go to the riverside park and practicing controlling my paraglider. The paraglider is just a giant kite big enough to suspend me in the sky. Big enough to violently drag me around on the ground, too, hence the practice part. Anyhow, the whole process looks pretty cool, and not many people have seen this before. My kiting practice usually draws a curious crowd, mostly transient onlookers, but I don't feel any obligation to indulge them with my attention.

*Really, the paraglider just exacerbates a common occurrence - people approach me, generally interested because I look different and speak English. All too often, I'm propositioned to be friends, become e-mail pals, exchange phone numbers, etc. Most are after free English lessons. I teach English because it pays for my awesome life here. That's all. Thanks but no-thanks middle-aged whomever I have little in common with nor want to sacrifice text messages for. I'll say that at the risk of sounding like a dick. Yes, it's nice making friends, but the crux is selectivity and mutual benefit.*

The farmer across the road is different. Whenever I take a break to hydrate and he isn't working in his field, the farmer will flag me over and pour me a glass of beer. Or sometimes this stuff called "Paolyta" - I'm not exactly sure what that is. More importantly, I think anyone who waves me over and pours me a beer is a cool dude. Also, I've said this before: coolness transcends cultural borders.

That coolness makes all the difference. If people are interested enough to invest in me: fried rice, a glass of beer, climbing lessons, whatever; I don't want to let them down with a shitty shrug and far too few words.

First Chinese Lesson

Last Friday, I had my first language exchange with another teacher from the school.

The language exchange is mutually beneficial (but more for me?). My teacher gets to practice her English while teaching me Chinese. 

The first lesson was the Chinese alphabet. We are working on pronunciation. Some sounds are completely new so lack English words I could use to approximate the sound. This is why vocal coaching is important. First, I would say a letter until a had the pronunciation correct. Then, I thought about what I was doing with my mouth to make the correct sound. For example, where is my tongue, what shape are my lips in, is my throat open or closed? I took notes for practicing independently.  

After the alphabet, we practiced saying different tones. Chinese is a tonal language with four basic tones: high, rising, falling, and falling then rising. Also, a fifth neutral tone. English is not a tonal language, however, we do vary our tones. Think about a question where you expect an affirmative answer. Say this out loud: "You're coming with, right?" "Right," is the rising tone. And a desist command like, "No!" is falling. I use references like this to help me say things correctly.

I think this step is critical. Also, It's not something I can teach myself so having a native speaker helping me is invaluable.