I'm American. I Speak American

Yes, I know the "I'm abroad and learning languages is difficult" posts are trite. Sorry, but god damn it. 


Just god damn it! 


I'm really grappling with Chinese. Sometimes, I think I'm getting the hang of it but I'm not. Take away the context and I'm sunk. Just about every time I get in a taxi and try to get to the train station, for example. It usually goes something like this: 

     Me: Wǒ yào dào huǒchē zhàn. (I want to go to the train station.) 

     Driver: Zài nǎlǐ? (Where?) 

     Me: huǒchē zhàn (Train station) 

     Driver: (tilts head slightly) 

     Me: (huǒchē zhàn) (Train station) 

     Driver: (raises eyebrows, careens neck towards me, pivots head a little) 

     Me: A lo ha. (Aloha - bus company near the train station.) 

     Driver: Aloha?  

     Me: Dway, fùjìn huǒchē zhàn. (Yes, near the train station.) 

     Driver: Ohhh,[shakes finger] huǒchē zhàn. (Ohhh, t-r-a-i-n   s-t-a-t-i-o-n) 

     Me: God. Damn. It. 

It's the tones. The "Wǒ yào dào" part is fine because context is there - remember I'm in a taxi. It's the "huǒchē zhàn" that always gets me. It's not for lack of practice, either. I say it to myself over and over and it absolutely completely sounds correct in my head, but I can't vocalize it. I know this will just kinda work itself out. After all, at first I couldn't distinguish individual words but now I can. Eventually the tones will similarly follow suit. 


Until then, my strategy of saying a phrase with a bunch of different tones on each word is less than ideal. Take "huǒchē zhàn" for instance. Three words with four possible tones each, 4^3 gives me 64. Sixty four possible combinations. (That's a lot.) Pragmatically, it's a race to the bottom - say the fewest words and therefore combination possibilities to convey my message. 


And that's my Chinese language paradox: The less I say, the more I will be understood. The less I say, the less I will understand. 

Given my exasperation, I empathize w/ this kid. I'd totally jump on this bandwagon if I were not on foreign soil...


Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish

PS, If you appreciate this video for reasons other than its snarky hilarity, please stop reading my blog. Thanks.
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Guilty Pleasure - Seagal Flicks

Of course, some are better than others. Still, look at this and tell me what is terribly wrong:

There's a grievous, maybe accidental, mistake with this rating. I mean, a 3.9. Come on! More like 3 million .9.

*Spoiler Alert* Did people even SEE the part where Forrest Taft blows up an entire oil rig after disarming and arm-breaking hundreds of mustached bad guys?! Obviously not.

Life In The Village

I'm off to Taipei for a paragliding convention, green beer, and social interaction. It's about time to be getting out of Donggang; I'm at risk of becoming asocial. Snapshot of my life during the week:

* Imagine conversations between inanimate objects in my house, could they talk.
* I am becoming truly proficient with a slingshot.
* I can tie an alpine butterfly knot behind my back.
* I posted selleckwaterfallsandwich to my blog.
* I am getting really good at the blanket stitch and appreciate its aesthetic.

Why No Consumer Choice in Customer Service Outsourcing?

I suspect more than a few hands would raise if I asked a room full of people the loaded question, "Have you ever been frustrated by outsourced customer service?"

From the Wall Street Journal:

We analyzed ... 150 North American companies and business units from 1998 to 2006 ...[and] those that outsourced customer service saw a drop in their score on the American Consumer Satisfaction Index ... The declines were roughly the same whether companies outsourced customer service domestically or overseas. (read the full article here)

Makes sense - people calling tech support are probably edgy already. Outsourcing to a call center, US-based or offshore, adds a bunch of possible rage-multipliers: a language barrier, insufficient customer information, or the inability to grant credit and resolve similar issues, to name a few.

Still, outsourcing and offshoring are attractive to businesses because they reduce costs, albeit at the expense of customer satisfaction. Grossly reduced, the decision presents a a problem: outsource, save, and alienate consumers or vice versa.

I seek some middle ground.

What if consumers were given a choice between outsourced or in-house tech support/customer service? Basically, they could choose between calling the "free" outsourced customer service or elect to call in-house and pay for the increased costs pro rata. (Remember 900 numbers?) Of course, not every consumer has a problem with customer service in the status quo, hence the option. This structure would expand choices for consumers while mitigating the loathsome overhead on the business side.

Sure, this adds some logistics, etc, but remember that is paid for on the consumers' dime. Additionally, companies could derive information from the demand schedule of calls - nothing like revealed preference.

Welfare gains all around, right?

So why not? A few things come to mind:

*Outsourcing/offshoring to call centers also has significant non-monetary benefits.
*Companies already know that cost exceeds consumer willingness to pay.
*Provoke a, "Why pay extra for something I already paid for?" furious attitude. Aka, why split hairs between bad-customer-service anger and I-should-pay-more-for-this anger.

I'm curious what the end result of this idea, if propagated, would suggest. Do people truly and sufficiently value competent support or are the widespread complaints about outsourced calls are just an opportunistic jab in the existential relationship between companies and consumers?

Thoughts or comments?
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WTF Bizarre Niche Blogs

Actually, I think these blogs smash niche to smithereens. 

HT to my buddy Jack for showing me the Where's Randy Savage? My favs:

And, of course, Selleck Waterfall Sandwich:

Tsunami Alert in Taiwan

An 8.8 magnitude earthquake hit Japan a few hours ago and subsequently triggered a tsumani that may hit Taiwan.

I'm comforted because I live in the West, although in a harbor city.

Still, here in Donggang, a warning just went over the loudspeakers instructing people to stay away from the beaches. Nobody really knows what to expect, exactly. My Taiwanese coworker said this is the first time a public warning was broadcast, here. Another coworker said it's expected, if at all, to reach Taiwan in about an hour ~5:30ish. My coworkers don't seem to be worried.

I'm currently at school and will be until 5:30. After, I'll scramble home to my fourth floor apartment and keep my eyes peeled.

(update: the warning is lifted. The waves that did hit Taiwan were just 12cm high.)

My Newest Feel-good Song

Whenever I need a pick-me-up or some reassurance, I'll play a song from my vault of feel-good songs. I stumbled upon this track on hypem (where else?) and it definitely makes the list:

Sunshine On My Shoulders (Superpose Edit)
listen here. 

What I'm Eating - Sugar-apple

Taiwan is renown for its incredible fruit, and I'm particularly fond of this one, the sugar-apple. (Chinese: 釋迦, pinyin: shìjiā) 

The outside looks scaly, but it's incredibly delicate. It's easily broken open, exposing a milky, sugary flesh. Its taste and texture remind me of custard. 

Placenta Cream

 I found this in the grocery store I frequent.

This isn't Engrish - I googled it and found the following:

Placenta, on the other hand, is included in the cream moisturizer because of the unique biological compounds it produces. Since it is the organ responsible for supplying the fetus with the necessary nutrients and oxygen needed for successful growth, it is believed to store certain proteins that improve metabolic processes, accelerate tissue regeneration, and stimulate immunity.

Still, I can't imagine rubbing placenta cream on my face without visceral disgust. I think the gross part completely trumps the "unique biological compounds" part.

It reminds me of this clip from South Park:

Krazy Kripples
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...