Some Firsts

There have been a few firsts since my last post. Here they are:

First Time I...


...Went To an Office Party

I had my first ever office/work party last week for Chinese New Year.

Generally, I think my colleagues are incredibly reserved and mild-mannered. Not quite walking on eggshells but the guard is always up at work, I feel. At the party, everyone got a little drunk and it was nice to see.

The younger teachers were all sauced on wine and noticeably red-faced. It's acceptable and encouraged to peer pressure the boss into binge drinking. People line up to take shots with the boss like it's a 21st birthday party. What a Western office might call "sexual harassment" the Taiwanese office calls fun: during the shot line, one of the teachers held out her leg and said to the boss hammily, "I'm wearing red panties."

Getting the boss drunk is standard because, next, bonuses and gifts are handed out.

All of the bonuses came and red envelopes in odd denominations. Red signifies luck and joy (ahhaaa, red panties). Even numbers are unlucky, four particularly because in Chinese it sounds like the word death. There isn't a fourth floor in hospitals. The elevator goes from 3 to 5. A lot of things here are dictated by superstition. Gift-giving being a good example, following a complicated set of parameters and protocol.

I think a celebratory dinner like this one also follows some sort of established protocol. Throughout the whole process there were a bunch of theatrics - the Taiwanese love microphones.

Altogether, I was happy with my first office party and of course the extra cash.


...Enjoyed Myself In a Nightclub

Ok, not first, but I could count sincere instances on one hand, nonetheless. A few weekends ago, when the weather was too crummy to paraglide, I took the opportunity and went north to Taipei to visit a friend and go out for a night.

The club was cool because every couple of hours was interjected by a staged performance: flair bartending, dancers, dancers dressed in Darth Vader costumes with light sabers. It broke up the monotony of, well, being in a club.

I met some cool people and drank tequila with them, like this guy from Texas. Whenever I meet someone from Texas, I break the ice by asking, "Have you ever shot anyone?" So far, it has always been well-received. I'll quit using that line when someone replies in the affirmative.

It was also a nice opportunity to hit on blonde girls. Not many, though, in the sea of black hair. Regardless, I was swiftly rejected by like all three of them. Makes sense, I think my lifetime ratio of fail to succeed is in the neighborhood of like 10 or 15 to 1.

Hindsight, I have fallen into a scrub-like state of existence while living in my small village and people in clubs are trendy. Next time, I'll dress up and wear my hollering cap. The hollering cap is an unreleased fitted hat. Whenever I wear it, things fall for me - it's scary. I didn't buy the hollering cap, it came to me during spring break. I was pretty obliterated that entire week so I'm hoping I didn't make a Faustian bargain.

More about the hollering cap later...



... Owned a Paragliding Wing


I am starting to buy my very own paragliding gear, first purchase being the wing. New paraglider smell totally eclipses new car and new shoe smell.

The gear is costly and consumes most of my disposable income, but it's a lasting investment. Also, I got it at a killer really good price.

Today, I practiced some ground handling and it inflates brilliantly.

I don't want to post much about paragliding on stahlamerican, though, because I think it makes sense to start a paragliding sideblog in the spirit of organization and niche readership.

... Ran Completely Out of Contacts


I always test the limits of shipping because I forget to order contacts until I'm on my last pair. This time, it didn't work, and I enjoyed the fruits of my laziness and -1.25 uncorrected vision. My contacts came the same day as my paragliding wing - cosmic sign or coincidence? Whichever, it's sure nice to see individual blades of grass again.


... Am Using My Own Internet (in Taiwan)

And not pirating my neighbor's wifi. I just bought an external hard drive and my moral compass red flags pirating while pirating. Come on, that's just too much pirating. Pirating. I had to.

Pirating.

Done.

...Found a Song That Is Unequivocally Terrible 


This is a monumental milestone for me. I've always been hard-pressed to find songs that are without any redeeming qualities whatsoever. Well, I've found one. I dare you to listen.

Xiu Xiu's cover of Fast Car by Tracy Chapman


Furthermore, I dare you to recommend a worse song. It's not likely, but you can try in the comments section.

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I'm Here

So much to post and it's going down tomorrow(ish).

Seriously, expect an avalanche of material. Get ready!

Sidenote, if you are ever in a real avalanche and not killed from trauma, you'll likely be buried and disoriented. Don't forget that gravity still works - you can spit or drop something to re-orient yourself and dig out.

Guilty Pleasure - Rap Covers

I like listening to rap covered in non-rap genres. Don't drink the hatorade.

Hugo's "99 Problems" and Lissie's "Pursuit of Happiness" are my favorites. They both skip the kitsch and crank out songs that really really really work. I hear them and think, "wow!" Then I'll even mouth, "wow!" to myself and nod my head a little to reaffirm the prior approval. Hands down, my two favorites:

Hugo cover of "99 Problems" by Jay Z


Lissie cover of "Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi


Told you.

The following are more of a ploy but still worth a listen if you have some time to kill or are trying to force a "rap cover" playlist.

Ben Folds cover of "Bitches Ain't Shit" by Dr. Dre


some bluegrass

The Gourds cover of "Gin and Juice" by Snoop Dogg


Emmett and the Black Mountain Scorpion Bluegrass Experience Gang cover "Get Low" by Lil Jon


and lastly...

Spoken word cover of "Gin and Juice" by Snoop Dogg (bc you need to chill after so much awesome)

Things I Found Secondhand

I am looking for a backpacking tent. My paragliding coach recommended looking at a surplus/secondhand store called Bbbobo. I spent some time scoping for a tent today with no luck. However, I did find...

... A breast pump. Being both childless and boobless, I didn't know these existed. I am still trying not to believe they exist in a secondhand store.

2MBs!!!! KICK ASSS!

It's gonna take more than a few floppy discs to store George Michaels MP3 rips, though.

No Chinese on the box; shame on someone but not the usual suspects.

These are glasses filled with stones.

                                

Insert wooden penis caption here.

Maybe I won't find a tent. It's still fun looking, though. 

Save the Sugar

This morning, I noticed some little ants crawling around in my sugar bowl while I was sweetening my tea. I paused to think for a moment, then ultimately decided to drink the tea and save the sugar. "Bear Grylls would do it," being my justification.

Congratulations, you are now privy to the inner workings of my brain.

Engrish

Mmmmmm.....lactic flavored Slurpee.

MMM MMM[OOOO] Good! 

Cool Paragliding Pics

Here's a really nice photo album of my paragliding. Check it out! Photos were taken by my coach's cousin.

Full album here.

Major hat tip. Thanks, George!

Incidental Guilt Trip

Nothing motivates me to learn Chinese quite like an incidental, introspection-prompting guilt trip. I'll explain.

Recently, my coworker invited me to his house. His newborn baby turned one month old, and in Taiwan they have a swanky feast for family and friends. I felt all warm and tingly having received an invite - the other foreign teachers didn't. And, it was just a good time (Christmas-ish) to be around a family, albeit not my family.

The party itself was impressive. The food was all catered and the spread was vast and incredible. Giant prawns, a myriad of crabs, mussels, oysters, steamed fish, braised fish, calamari, oysters, I could go on. And my coworker encouraged my consumption: "Tim, eat food. I see you eat like a beast at school." Amen.

During the meal, there were many toasts, cheers, and jollity. I was at the main table with my coworker, Jason, and his family. By default, I was included in everything. I vaguely knew what was going on only because raising a glass and taking a drink is a good clue.

Anyhow, Jason was busy so I mostly talked to his dad. Dad talked my ear off, and I felt like we were constantly raising our glasses - my sparkling apple juice (I had to return to work) to his red wine. I don't know what he said, but he's wicked cool for sure. And funny. Probably. I misrepresented my comprehension using my most adorable student's strategy: nodding, smiling, and saying "yeah" to everything.

I even thought I understood a little. I didn't. Jason confirmed that his dad did not have an apple fruit orchard in a nearby city.

All the while, I'm noticing fleeting glances from another table, mostly family from Jason's side. His brothers, uncles, and of course a crazy aunt are all interested in what the white dude was doing at the party. Jason introduced me and I wanted to field questions, but couldn't. My introduction is short and scripted:
1. My name is Tim
2. I'm american
3. English Teacher
4. My house is in Donggang
5. Taiwan good
My brief Q&A unsatisfactorily ends with number 6.
6. Sorry, I don't speak much Chinese.

I left the party with a fat sack of some really tasty fried rice and seafood.

Again:

Most Thursdays, I'll go to the riverside park and practicing controlling my paraglider. The paraglider is just a giant kite big enough to suspend me in the sky. Big enough to violently drag me around on the ground, too, hence the practice part. Anyhow, the whole process looks pretty cool, and not many people have seen this before. My kiting practice usually draws a curious crowd, mostly transient onlookers, but I don't feel any obligation to indulge them with my attention.

*Really, the paraglider just exacerbates a common occurrence - people approach me, generally interested because I look different and speak English. All too often, I'm propositioned to be friends, become e-mail pals, exchange phone numbers, etc. Most are after free English lessons. I teach English because it pays for my awesome life here. That's all. Thanks but no-thanks middle-aged whomever I have little in common with nor want to sacrifice text messages for. I'll say that at the risk of sounding like a dick. Yes, it's nice making friends, but the crux is selectivity and mutual benefit.*

The farmer across the road is different. Whenever I take a break to hydrate and he isn't working in his field, the farmer will flag me over and pour me a glass of beer. Or sometimes this stuff called "Paolyta" - I'm not exactly sure what that is. More importantly, I think anyone who waves me over and pours me a beer is a cool dude. Also, I've said this before: coolness transcends cultural borders.

That coolness makes all the difference. If people are interested enough to invest in me: fried rice, a glass of beer, climbing lessons, whatever; I don't want to let them down with a shitty shrug and far too few words.

Music I Like

I like this music:

http://www.ceumusic.com/

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The New Year

A few things.

This year was Taiwan's equivalent to Y2K, dubbed Y1C or year 100. Taiwan doesn't use a Western calendar but instead designates 1912 as year 1 (the ROC was founded in 1912). That makes 2011 year 100 in Taiwan. Anyhow, rest easy; Taiwan's computer infrastructure is OK and mass chaos did not ensue. I had a hard time getting hyped for it because Y2K was a major spoiler.

More excitingly, Taiwan skips the ball-drop thing and rings in the new year with a shit-ton of fireworks. A metric shit-ton! (That's even more than an Imperial shit-ton!!) I watched the fireworks from the rooftop of a high-rise in Kaohsiung. Our wimpy Fourth of July "fireworks" pale in comparison. .

Imagine a sustained grand finale - an intense, continuous variety of mortars upon mortars. And this was going on all over. Fireworks were simultaneously lit off in different places throughout the city -the harbor, parks, the business district, main roads. They were lighting off fireworks in the middle of the city! I could see Magnesium trails dropping onto another high-rise. Awesome. Fireworks are my favorite. Good start to 2011.

I say that cautiously, though, because 2011 is the year of my Chinese zodiac (rabbit). Initially, I was excited - you know, my year should be awesome. However, that's not how it works. My friend suggested I go to a temple and pray for peace. I think I'll go paragliding instead.

Lastly, I don't have any resolutions to break because I didn't make any. They are for the birds.

I will note, though, that I'm living well right now and intend to maintain trajectory.